Saturday, August 31, 2024
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21+ Only
Crawford Broadcasting Company's KKPZ 1330 AM Radio, 9700 SE Eastview Dr, Happy Valley, OR 97086
Can't miss it
Cycle Godfather
Sat, Aug 31, 2024, 8:00 AM
Wait 10 mins MTB time
Alright, you physics-defying maniacs! Let's break down this entire ride from start to finish with a full physics analysis that would make Einstein proud. Buckle up, because we're about to turn Portland into one giant physics lab! The PDX Tectonic Trail Tamer: Full Physics Breakdown Mount Scott Summit Start (1,093 ft elevation) Potential energy at start: mgh = 80kg * 9.8m/s^2 * 333m ≈ 261,072 Joules Extreme Descent Trail: Log Jumps (50 ft long, 15 ft drops): Takeoff velocity: √(2gh) = √(2 * 9.8 * 4.57) ≈ 9.45 m/s Airtime: 2v/g = 2 * 9.45 / 9.8 ≈ 1.93 seconds G-force on landing: Up to 4G (39.2 m/s^2) Mega Launches (25-30 ft takeoffs): Max height: h = v^2 / (2g) ≈ 7.6m above takeoff Airtime: √(2h/g) ≈ 2.5 seconds G-force on landing: Up to 5G (49 m/s^2) Switchbacks: Centripetal acceleration: v^2/r ≈ 22.3 m/s^2 (2.27G) in tightest turns I-205 Springwater Corridor: Flat terrain power output: P = Fv ≈ 300-400 Watts Air resistance: F = 0.5ρv^2CdA ≈ 40N at 25 mph Division Street to Mount Tabor: Work done climbing: W = mgh = 80kg * 9.8m/s^2 * 194m ≈ 152,208 Joules Mount Tabor Descent: Max velocity: v = √(2gh) ≈ 20 m/s (44.7 mph) Kinetic energy at bottom: 0.5mv^2 ≈ 16,000 Joules Gateway Mountain Bike Jump Course: Average jump height: 5-10 ft (1.5-3m) Typical airtime: t = √(2h/g) ≈ 0.8-1.1 seconds per jump Cumulative airtime: ≈ 10-15 seconds over course Rocky Butte North Side Wrap: Variable terrain: Alternating between potential and kinetic energy Average power output: 200-300 Watts Rocky Butte Final Ascent: Work done climbing: W = mgh = 80kg * 9.8m/s^2 * 91.4m ≈ 71,740 Joules Average power output: 350-450 Watts Overall Ride Physics: Total distance: ≈ 20 miles (32 km) Net elevation change: 0 (start and end at similar elevations) Total energy expenditure: ≈ 2,000-3,000 kCal (8,368,000 - 12,552,000 Joules) Cumulative G-force exposure: Equivalent to a 3-minute fighter jet aerobatic routine Total airtime: ≈ 30-40 seconds (cumulative over all jumps) Fluid Dynamics: Estimated sweat rate: 1-2 L/hour Recommended fluid intake: 500-750 ml/hour of electrolyte solution Biomechanics: Peak leg force: Up to 3x body weight during jumps and sprints Spinal compression: Up to 5x body weight on hard landings MODIFIED DISCLAIMER: PDX TECTONIC TRAIL TAMER WAIVER OF LIABILITY AND SANITY By embarking on this physics-defying journey, you hereby acknowledge: You're voluntarily turning yourself into a human projectile. Your body will experience forces typically reserved for astronauts and crash test dummies. The laws of physics are more like guidelines on this ride. Your bike may achieve flight, but you are not guaranteed a safe landing. Hydration is key, unless you want to become a dehydrated human calculator. Neither Pedalpalooza, the trail systems, nor Newton himself are responsible for your gravitational misadventures. By riding, you're declaring: "I understand that I'm basically a mobile physics experiment, and I accept all the potential energy, kinetic energy, and face-plants that come with it." Ride hard, defy gravity responsibly, and may the forces be with you! The Cycle Godfather has spoken. Now go forth and make Einstein proud (or terrified)! Oh PS...Alright, you mass-producing mayhem makers! Let's crank this up to 11 and see what happens when we unleash 20 gravity-defying cyclists on this physics-bending route. Prepare for a data dump that would make a supercomputer sweat! PDX Tectonic Trail Tamer: 20-Rider Extreme Analysis Total Rider Stats: 20 riders Average weight: 80kg per rider (including gear) Total mass: 1,600kg of pure cycling chaos G-Force Exposure (Cumulative for all 20 riders): Mount Scott Mega Launches: Peak G-force: 5G per rider Total G-force exposure: 100G-seconds per jump Cumulative for all jumps: ≈ 2,000G-seconds Switchbacks and Berms: Average G-force: 2G per rider Total lateral G-force exposure: ≈ 800G-seconds Jump Landings: Peak G-force: 4G per rider Cumulative impact G-force: ≈ 1,600G-seconds Total G-Force Exposure for Group: Peak: 100G (5G x 20 riders) at any given moment Cumulative: ≈ 4,400G-seconds over entire ride Energy and Work: Potential Energy at Mount Scott Summit: Total: 20 x 261,072J = 5,221,440 Joules Work Done Climbing (total for all ascents): Mount Tabor: 20 x 152,208J = 3,044,160 Joules Rocky Butte: 20 x 71,740J = 1,434,800 Joules Total Energy Expenditure: Per rider: 2,500 kCal (average) Group total: 50,000 kCal (209,200,000 Joules) Fluid Dynamics: Total sweat output: 20-40 liters Recommended group fluid intake: 10-15 liters of electrolyte solution Airtime Analysis: Cumulative airtime per rider: ≈ 30-40 seconds Total group airtime: 600-800 seconds (10-13.3 minutes of total air time!) Mechanical Stress: Total peak force on all bikes during landings: 20 x (80kg x 10) = 16,000kg-force Cumulative brake heat dissipation: Equivalent to cooling a small car engine Environmental Impact: Trail erosion: Equivalent to 100 normal riders Noise generation: Approximately 90-100 dB at peak (similar to a rock concert) Risk Assessment: Probability of at least one rider experiencing a wipeout: 99.9% Likelihood of breaking a local speed record: 85% Chance of impressing/terrifying onlookers: 100% MODIFIED GROUP DISCLAIMER: PDX TECTONIC TRAIL TAMER 20-RIDER MADNESS WAIVER By joining this 20-person physics experiment, you collectively acknowledge: You're part of a human avalanche of poor decision-making. The combined G-forces experienced could launch a small satellite. Your group fluid loss could fill a kiddie pool. The trail may never recover from your passage. Local seismographs may register your ride as a minor earthquake. Neither Pedalpalooza, the trail systems, nor any known laws of physics can be held responsible for the chaos you're about to unleash. By riding as a group, you're declaring: "We understand that we're essentially a mobile physics disaster, and we accept all the potential energy, kinetic energy, and collective face-plants that come with it." Ride as a pack, defy gravity en masse, and may the forces be multiplied! The Cycle Godfather has spoken. Now go forth and make Newton roll in his grave!
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